


All My Love

by vsnow



Series: Bargains over Tea Verse [8]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self-Hatred, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-24 21:17:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20021185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vsnow/pseuds/vsnow
Summary: “Doubt thou the stars are fire,Doubt that the sun doth move,Doubt truth to be a liar,But never doubt I love.”It was laughable, this situation Vinda found herself in.





	All My Love

_**A/N:** Summary quote is from Hamlet._

* * *

It had been months now since Queenie had come to their side, yet a group of acolytes still crowded around her as though she were the sun and they merely planets meant to orbit around her light.

What did that say about Vinda then that she too was among them?

Keeping her distance, Vinda sat back and watched the blond as she shared this story and that, taking interest in turn as an obviously smitten acolyte returned her story with another.

Obviously smitten…

What did that say about Vinda then that she was listening with just as much interest, itching to share her own tales in return?

“Do you have someone special?”

The question captured Vinda’s attention, because she knew well the object of Queenie’s affection.

“In fact I do.”

Eyes the most pale shade of blue that they almost looked gray met those vivid smiling green.

And in the exchange, Vinda barely noticed Queenie walk toward her.

All the same, the brunette stood to meet her, her lips being pulled into a smile as arms found their way around her.

Of course she had known that she was different to Queenie than these others who swarmed around her like flies.

She had been the one tasked with finding her and bringing her to their side, of course with the help of their leader.

She had been the one to look after Queenie, to be sure she was adjusting to Nurmengard Castle. The softest brush of lips both delicate and sweet, and as they pulled away Vinda wondered if her lipstick would stain the other’s lips to match her own.

Queenie’s voice spoke through the blissful haze of Vinda’s mind, “Jacob.”

Vinda blinked, reorienting herself. The truth had proved affective against the weak daydreams of a lovestruck witch. A horrible emotion passed through her.

Hate.

Not for this muggle, as it usually was. But toward someone else entirely. It was a feeling she had pushed back in the past, familiar and unsettling in it’s resilience.

Queenie continued to gush about the muggle, earning mixed reactions from those around her. Some curiously asked “Why a muggle?” while others seemed to lose interest entirely.

Where did Vinda see herself falling on this spectrum?

She bit her lip and smiled, remembering what Grindelwald had continued to tell her:

_‘Control yourself. Do not say such bad things about muggles aloud.’_

She looked to the man who was currently in the corner observing all, able to tell immediately what he was willing her to say.

They needed Queenie.

And so there was no other option, “He sounds wonderful.” Vinda finally spoke out, the first positive remark toward the muggle aside from Queenie herself.

It was a lie and a truth wrapped in one.

For to Vinda he sounded no better than an ant, and to Queenie he was perfect.

In the end only one of those interpretations mattered.

“He is.” Queenie blushed deeply, despite the frown that plagued her face, “I hope he will understand why I’m doing this.”

“If it is love. He will understand.”

The words seemed to brighten the distressed witch’s face almost instantly, “I hope you’re right.”

Vinda smiled again, this time forcing her lips to curl in a way that felt most unnatural, “My apologies for cutting this chat short. I have to-“ But there was nothing she could think of, “I must check on our newest guests.” It was not uncommon and would go unnoticed.

“Thank you.” Queenie called after her, before those around her took Vinda’s lead and began asking more about the muggle man.

“How rebellious!”

“Where you not afraid of arrest?”

“Does he know you are a witch?”

It was laughable. This situation Vinda found herself in.

Vinda refused to be in love with a woman who so obviously had no interest in women, no interest in her.

She refused to experience such emotions, not again.

Within the last years Vinda had found comfort in herself, in those she surrounded herself with, the quilted family Grindelwald had sewn together with the thread of promise for a better future.

That was why… this was not love.

Vinda walked briskly down the hallway, knowing exactly where she wished to go. Feeling eyes upon her back she turned to check and make sure the noise of her heals on the wooden floor was the only thing following her.

She stopped outside of a barren portion of wall.

And there, within moments, it revealed itself to her a door.

She opened it with a simple turn of the handle, a strong magic barrier allowing only a trusted few to enter.

Walking over to a little cart Vinda leaned down, trying the cabinet door

It was locked.

She tried a few combination spells to open it.

_Of course it would be locked with something fancy._

Cursing under her breath, Vinda sunk down, feeling just as low.

“I knew you would come here.” A male voice spoke from behind her, “For someone so unpredictable, you are very predictable.”

Vinda was unafraid, speaking to the owner of this room, “Perhaps to a seer.” She did not turn to him, “And what else is there that you see?”

“You will have to tell me.” Grindelwald responded cryptically.

Frustrated, Vinda tried one more spell, the simplest spell of all she could think of, “Alohomora”

**Click**

It opened.

Vinda turned to see what Grindelwald would do, what he would say.

The man merely stared back at her, looking at her with some sort of emotion she could not place. His gaze was not challenging, nor was it disappointed. He was unreadable entirely.

Standing, Vinda fixed herself a drink from the man’s private stash-

How could he judge her when he had such a thing in his room?

-walking over to then sit on the large comfortable bed that was situated in the middle of the wall.

Admittedly after the strong liquid hit her lips she did find herself feeling immediately more relaxed.

“Feel better?” Grindelwald asked.

Vinda exhaled, feeling how the alcohol evaporated from off her tongue, the almost sweet sent flowing through her nose. And though she had been at first, the hatred that had formed in her stomach only seemed to intensify, making her feel sour and sick. The feeling was directed at no one but herself, “No.”

And so Grindelwald finally moved, taking a now emptied glass from her hand and sitting beside her, “So talk. You were not acting yourself. And I can only know so much without you filling in the rest.”

“I’m appalling.”

“Such a broad statement. Care to clarify? I am assuming you do not mean the multiple robberies and murders you have committed.”

The way Gellert spoke was truthful. Put into perspective it would seem trivial, but to Vinda…

“I may have developed feelings for someone. But I am not sure.” She spoke still with such denial.

“You’re right. That **is** horrible.” Grindelwald seemed to joke.

Vinda shot him a look, knowing exactly how to catch his attention, how to let him know just how serious the situation was, “Queenie.”

The older man did not seem all that surprised, though he knew, “But she-” He had spoken with her directly and knew of her reasons for joining them. Not to mention he had been there when she had spoken on the subject, just as Vinda had, moments earlier, “She is deeply in love with that muggle man. Her eyes are focused only on him.” Grindelwald seemed to consider, uncertain how to best sooth his friend’s heartache, but he found he could not think of a way. Had he ever found a way to let go? “The hurt will pass, lessening as the days go on until you-”

To his surprise, Vinda stopped him, “I know.” And though she had not realized just how the man’s words spoken aloud would affect her, this was not what was causing her to feel so horrendous about having such an unrequited love, “It is not just that. I don’t care if my feelings are never returned. It’s just… the guilt.”

“For what?”

“Requited or not, I care for her. She is possibly the closest thing I have to a friend in these walls, someone I can speak with as I can with you. Though, of course, my feelings for her are much different than those I feel toward you. It has been a very long time since I have found someone I have cared for so, someone who I have loved in this way.” Vinda shook her head as she spoke, as though she couldn’t believe her own words, her own foolishness, “And Queenie obviously wishes for friendship, a sisterhood while she is away from her beloved family. This I am more than happy to provide her. If nothing else, I want to be close to her in any way. When she first came to the manor she was terrified and I was there with her through it all. I do not want this to change.”

_Two woman, both who care about one another. What harm is there at being the friends they both wish to be?_

Vinda knew this is what Grindelwald must be thinking.

“I am lying to her.” The feeling in her gut took over and rare tears began flooding from those gray eyes. She felt so caught between two conflicting internalizations of how one of her proclivity behaved.

All her life until she had met this man she had been told by those who knew her attraction to the same sex that she was either innocent and pure, wholly and completely, forever a virgin for having never been touched by a man. Or, opposite completely, a predator unfit for the title of human and more a monster who would steal woman into the dark.

Neither of which were her, and yet both had found their way into her mind, rearing their head at a situation such as this. A situation where:

To tell Queenie could ruin their friendship. Would she ever look at her the same?

But to remain hidden would feel like a lie. Every embrace they shared would to Vinda feel like a betrayal of trust, as though she were taking advantage of the other’s friendly affections toward her to satisfy a selfish desire to be close.

Though she had spoken no words, arms wrapped around her. They felt much different than the ones from her daydream, less delicate but all the more real in their comfort.

“I know.”

Whether Grindelwald did or did not was of no concern. The sentiment alone was enough to steady her.

“So I have decided to keep my distance.” Vinda whispered into his vest, “But of course I will carry on as you have asked and be there for her. I’m glad to take on this job as her confidant.”

And Grindelwald knew there was nothing he would be able to say to ease her mind. It would take time.

Love could be so cruel. Unseen but no less felt.

Once she had regained most of her strength with head now feeling sore from both tears and the single glass of alcohol, Vinda took her leave, escorted out by the one who guided her.

As the door revealed itself and opened into the hall, the pair were surprised to see.

“Queenie”

The blond’s grin was wide, “Oh, this is unexpected. I’m so happy we’ve run into each other like this.” She took a step closer to her friend, “You left so abruptly I wanted to see if everything had gone alright with your rounds.”

Vinda returned that smile, answering ever so briefly, “I was just on my way now.” Before turning on her heels and starting on that which she had said she would.

Queenie was left with Grindelwald as she watched the other witch leave, “She’s so cold isn’t she?”

“Unfortunately.” The man sighed, feeling himself now too so distant and cold, thinking of his own love. A love that perhaps he should celebrate was at some point requited.

Why was it that all those he had ever been close with seemed to be locked in their own respective prisons, mental or physical.

These were the witches and wizards he attracted to his side. The ones so very trapped and yearning to be free. If there was such a thing as true freedom from all restraint.

Queenie hummed in thought, “She is always so nice, though the other’s say she is scary. There has never been a time I’ve thought so. In fact, I really wish she would warm up to me like the others have. Hopefully one day I can open her up just a bit more.”

But maybe that is all part of life, that piece that continues to motivate those to reach towards the key to their prison cells.

That one eternal ray of hope for freedom, for happiness.


End file.
